Man Law Nation

I was recently made aware of a particular society, if you will, that is documented, among other places, on facebook. The Man Law Nation is a general code of conduct to be followed by male people.  The Man Law Nation also has a forum for more in depth “man discussion” of their male experiences. In addition to this, there are several blogs, either for simple law reiteration or for further reflection on masculinity and maleness. The description of membership: “Everyone in this group is either a male and has come to support all males alike in continuing to keep America growing by enforcing Man Laws or is a female that has come to learn Man Laws to better her life.” I was directed to this because one of my student’s cousins, from Northern Kentucky, is in this group. Photos for the group include several armed forces images, AVs and monster trucks with mud on them, large breasted, thin women (many making out with each other), cheap beer and liquor, and killing small animals.


Taken from Man Law facebook

The origins of the Man Law is from a very ancient and respected series of beer commercials… that’s right, beer commercials for Miller Light as a part of the 2007 NFL commercial ring. Many people seem familiar with the Man Law, but as for myself who lives under a pop culture rock, was unaware. Really, I don’t know how I missed it. Shit beer and football, totally my favorite things… my reason for living… who needs to take T when you have miller light…


Taken from Man Law facebook

Though I will self-proclaim myself as a playa hater, I don’t want to be a stick in the mud. I do realize a lot of the man law purpose is, or was originally, humor. The thing is, how much of it is humor and how much of it has been adopted into a serious concept of masculinity that men live by? There are  some interesting inconsistencies in the laws depending on the level of seriousness associated with them. The Miller company states the Man Laws are for humor, as do some bloggers. Others, like the people above, actually try to live by these rules. Clearly they get a sense of empowerment from this created concept of hypermasculinity which boarders on cultural or literal violence. Another thing that’s interesting is that how ever the laws are written, there is a consistent mix of violence with benevolently sexist chivalry. Women, who are portrayed as sneaky snakes trying to find out the secrets of Man Law (though they could just visit the public facebook page), as also weak and helpless.

(And What Is With Every Word Being Capitalized??)

41. To Those Men Who Discipline Their Children With Spanking, If A Woman Attempts To Stop You From Disciplining Your Child, You Make Sure She Knows Who The Woman Is.

78. Man Is To Show A Woman That Man Is Better Than Woman But Is To Never Strike Or Harm A Female.

97. (Also By Popular Demand) MEN Don’t Kill Babies And MEN Don’t Abandon Women, MEN Take Responsibility For Their Actions. (Is this “kill babies” line about abortion, I wonder?)

Sexuality is presented in a particularly interesting manner. There are several laws referring to sex, heterosexual sex only, of course. None are body positive or at all supportive of female autonomy. On top of being helpless, untrustworthy creatures, women are beasts to be conquered in what ever way possible. According to Man Law, a man’s sexual pleasure is wholly dependent on sex with a woman. Therefore, in order to satisfy the man’s need, the woman must put out or get out, or just get her drunk. All women are rated on the “Man Law Nation Hotness Chart.” Interaction with a woman is to be determined by where she falls on this chart. The higher the score, such as a 9 or 10, the hotter a woman is, and the more unpleasantness a man is willing to put up with to have sex with her. There is no document of this chart, though there have been many requests for it from members for the the purpose of rating and comparing their girlfriends.

18. A Man May Not Own A Pleasure Device, Even If The Man Can Not Do The Job On His Own Or It Has Been Two Weeks Without A Woman. Especially If The Device Is Made Of Silly Putty.

46. No Man Shall Become Friends With An Ex-girlfriend When The Relationship Went Out In Thunder Strikes Unless She Is Putting Out And It Has “Been Awhile”.

10. If a buddy gets stuck talking to the fat chick at a party, under no circumstances are you allowed to leave his side.

110. Man may explore all sexual possibilities with any woman he pleases, provided he is not in an expressed relationship with another woman. Fuck Buddies/ Friends with benefits/ drunken monkey sex friends do not count as expressed relationships.

95. A Man Is Obligated To Watch Any Act Of Lesbianism Unless Said Women Are Below A 7, Dictated By The Man Law Nation Hotness Chart.

There is a surprising absence of laws referring directly or even alluding to homosexuality. Though this is the case the language found on the web pages is not free of hate speech such as “fag” and “cock sucker.” Like so many other hypermasculine exhibitions, I am sure that many of these men are dealing with their insecurities about their own queerness. I mean, come on, you know these guys are sexualizing their own masculinity. Just look at this shit.


Taken from Man Law facebook. Seriously.

There are 112 Man Laws. These I totally fall in line with:

58. Clothes That Pass The “Smell Test” Are Acceptable To Wear Even If Unwashed For A Long Time.

79. Man Will Throw Away Any Instructions That Comes With An Item That Needs To Be Put Together. Man Does Not Take Instructions From Anyone, Yet Alone Need Them

These, and all the 110 other ridiculously fucked up standards, not so much:

23. A Man Can Not Carry A Little Dog In Public, Especially In A Bag.

59. Under No Circumstances Will A Man Pop His Collar.

91. No Man Shall Extend His Pinky While Drinking Unless Deemed Necessary Because Injury Or Repeated Breaks.

Vagina Dentata!!!!

Last night I saw a spectacular movie full of artistry, allure, and as to be expected in any great film, toothed vaginas.

The movie Teeth is a movie about a girl, Dawn, with a toothed vagina – vagina dentata. Vagina dentata is a myth of women having toothed vaginas ready to devour men’s penises, fingers, souls, you know, whatever gets close to the crotch. In the movie, Dawn’s vagina chomps off anything that tries to penetrate her against her will. It reminded me of the rape-x condom, except Dawn’s vagina had a mind of its own.

Much to my amusement, Dawn and her friends are members of a religious abstinence-only organization and wear abstinence rings. (It was a very scary movie.) The movie did a good job at showing how creepy and in-effective the organization was. There is also scene in a sex ed class, where the book page for female anatomy has a big sticker on it because the school administration is too puritanistic to allow a vagina, vulva, and labia to be shown to students. Characters directly address how the penis is shown but the vagina is not, adding an unexpected feminist feeling to the film.

Because of her lack of sex education and forced sexual repression, Dawn doesn’t know anything about her body or sexuality. When her vagina starts to bite off her attackers’ penises, she’s stumped as to the reason why. She repeatedly gets into dangerous situations because she has no knowledge of consent or sexual safety. She doesn’t even realize when a gynecologist is assaulting her and not examining her. I was supposed to be laughing… or scared… or something, but I couldn’t help but be a little sad. Vagina dentata aside, this movie is closer to reality than people think.

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