Category: Trans/GenderQueer

Topics, identities, transition, community

Coming Out for Your Entertainment?

Posted on by JAC

The newest trans-media craze has hit. A semi-celebrity, who I am not naming, has come out as trans and announced his transition. Clearly the announcement was made to circumvent a mass-media fest. In his announcement he also specifically requested privacy. Of course he’s not getting it. Who’s surprised?

I realize the media sensationalizes the most minimal things for entertainment. That said, I have found particular attention is paid to queer and trans concerns. The media either crucifies the person or tries to highlight how amazingly normal the person is (in effort to be supportive to the poor, gay soul). Who would ever think a queer person could be well-adjusted? Holy heterosexist, Batman!

In the case of this person coming out, some news articles have been surprisingly well written and mostly focused on actual trans issues. However, the majority are full of the expected trans-ignorant language like using the wrong pronoun and terms like “gender switching/swapping,” “Girl Boy,” “she/ he,” “it,” and my favorite-“wow.”

A person’s coming out story should not be a opportunity for public commentary and fascination, as if the person were growing a new limb. Being trans doesn’t make you magic. Believe me I wish it did, but it doesn’t. Yes, it is hard to come out and it is hard to transition. Yes, we are a greatly ignored population and there is little education about us. That doesn’t give anyone the right to turn us into a spectacle.

There is public habit of making representatives out of people just because they are different. There is no consent in this iconization, only the assumption that if you are different you must want to be talked about. So often marginalized populations are labeled, boxed, and then expected to present their experience for the sake of “educating” others. What people want isn’t education, its entertainment. When someone finds out I’m trans they don’t want to discuss gender theory with me. They want to know what my body looks like, how I have sex, and if I’ve had “the surgery.” They want to hear about how depressing my life is so they can feel like a supporter when they tell me how brave I am.

The reality is that I’m no braver than anyone else. I think that we all are brave for surviving in this fucked up world, queer or not. People need to look past the labels and see the person behind it. Sensationalizing those who are different is a form of societal oppression.

x-posted amplifyyourvoice.org, queercincinnati.com

Gender-Variant Shot – We’re All Clueless

Posted on by JAC

Last week, two female presenting people, possibly transwomen or crossdressers, where attacked and robbed in Cincinnati. One was shot when the thief tried to take her purse. How did no one hear about this? (Myself included and I’m on the look out). Needless to say, it wasn’t headline news. But then again, maybe its better it wasn’t because the media did such a terrible job of covering the story. Wrong pronouns everywhere. “…Attacker shot one of the victims, who was dressed as a woman, while trying to steal HIS purse.”

If it is clear someone is presenting in one gender, why are people determined to get the pronoun wrong? People are determined to stick to their brain’s sex binary. To add insult to injury, the civic response to this is thing short of a sick-minded comedy hour.

“…if the shooter gets caught, he’ll probably only be charged with a “missed da weiner.””
“…don’t they know it’s a man under that skirt! Probably a big one too!”
“You don’t think that Shanequa and Shantay were out trying to make some extra money.” –Transphobic, racist and classist. Charming.
“What a drag!” – Ok this one is shitty, I know, but I have to appreciate the accurate queer-vocabulary.

There was another attack that same week in a Cincinnati suburb where a gay man was beaten on account of his sexual orientation. In response to this a huge protest has been organized by big name queer organizations. I’m not trying to hate on anyone, or show a lack of support for the survivor or those working to fight hate. All I’m saying is where’s the rally to protect the genderqueers? I realize people can’t rally around something they don’t know happened. Maybe we just need to open our scope a little wider, be on the look out a little more. Mainstream media isn’t going to do it for us. Its up to us to make sure everyone is protected and supported.

cross-posted at amplifyyourvoice.org

Penis Enlargement Emails Say A Mouthful

Posted on by JAC

You ever go to clean out your spam folder and find an email you just can’t not open?

“Literally become a monster snake in my pants.” How do you not open that email? If I see an email saying “Make your zipper knight the best in town.” I’m gonna want to open it so it can tell me it has the perfect “improvement for my night intruder.”

The entertainment possibilities are endless when it comes to analyzing gendered language, especially when it is sexualized. The penis is often described as a “monster,” an “intruder,” or an “obstructionist” -highly aggressive terminology to remind men how virile and tough they are. “GRRRR I personify my genitalia! I AM SEXY! ROAR!” Then these dominant terms are paired with words like “knight” and “hero” that speak to the psychological triggers for a stereotypical boy-hood. The most fucked up part of this is that people actually subscribe to this way of thinking, truly believing that this system will make them “feel with women like Michael Jordan with ball and hoop.”

One thing is for sure, if you’re going to write bad porn slogans you need to commit to doing the work. Don’t make a computer do it. Computers don’t know what’s sexy. Computer sexuality is weird, and I’m about as open-minded about sex as they come. (ha ha! pun!) Computers can try to write like people, but in the end they revert back to what a computer would think is sexy. You can see the battle of human vs. computer sex appeal in this example: (I preserved the format. Maybe its like a computer pin-up or something.)

Subject:“For carnal victories! Effervescence profluent intertwist enchantment.” (It’s like a teenage girl mixed with an alka seltzer commercial. Maybe the computer read too much of BOP magazine.)

Text: “To bang her without a rest, you just need a little support. – impassiblenesss pneumatoscopic. Plunge into the ocean of love with our new male power pro-longer. Our pills can make you a superman of bed-action fast and easy.

cheerly pondorosity de-obstruct affector metaplasm graveled cuneiform

survivance

agonism

baeotic

clutches

metaplasm vertebration vomitory grum wharfage”

That is what a computer thinks is sexy, just in case you ever need to know.

What’s in a name?

Posted on by JAC

I sat back in the bar’s long, church-pew booth and listened to the members of the drag troupe talk. One turned from the conversation.
“I had another one of those trans moments today.” she said in a heavy voice. “I got called a faggot.”
She isn’t trans, but she passes for male better than I do. I knew how she was feeling… the feeling that you’re less than a person.

The first time I was called a faggot it was screamed from an SUV as it appeared and then disappeared into the streets of Cincinnati. At first I felt a sense of accomplishment for passing, but it was quickly replaced by a familiar yet fresh fear. My hypervigilance spiked, followed by other my all too familiar traits of PTSD. My body filled with an ‘unsafe’ feeling as the injustice coated fear seeped into me. I looked over my shoulder as I walked away. I kept looking for five more days…

What makes a faggot a faggot? My friend is a girl but looks like a boy. I’m a boy who looks like a girl. If faggot is intended to mean homosexual, if only I could tell shouters just how accurate they are. I’m a guy who looks like girl who looks like a guy, who was born a girl, who fucks girls and boys and boys who were girls, and girls who were boys, and people who were never one or the other or anything at all… Is it hypocritical of me to argue or get upset? In my own, closed circles I call myself a fag, a tranniboy, and queer – all controversial words considered to be hate speech. Is our pain caused by the words or the malicious intention. Which is the one we need to remove? Does language have the power, or do we?

Apparently I’m a Lesbian

Posted on by JAC

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Ever since I came out as a guy my mom has been calling me a lesbian. To be fair, my mom has made a lot of head-way in supporting me, but there are a couple things that she keeps getting stuck on.

“Why you can’t just be a lesbian?” she says passionately, “There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, you know.”

“I know.” I say back to her, “And if I could be one I would, but I’m not one so I can’t.”

She feels there is nothing wrong with me being a lesbian, but there is something wrong with me being trans because trans is just too far from normal. I have too much going against me in society. I have to remind myself that if I wasn’t her kid she would be ok with it. Just today I listened as she told me a story from her college days where she supported the “women who were changing to be men” because she knew them from when she went out with her gay guy friend. She never thought that those people were lesbians, but somehow I am a lesbian.

I’ve gotten numb to it. Three years of hearing the same thing will do that. And she’s gotten a little better. She usually avoids making statements unless provoked by me talking about my life. I continue to try to explain the why the queer women I date don’t identify as lesbians, but since I can’t use my own identity as part of the explanation the point dissolves unsuccessfully.

When I started to date a guy her first question was exactly what I expected it to be. “Is he a real boy?”

“Yes, he’s a real boy.” I said.

She hesitated. “Ok, is he biologically a boy?” She smiled, clearly thinking she was clever. I wasn’t sure if I should be excited about her recognizing a fuller spectrum of gender and sex, or be annoyed cause she was mocking me.

“No, he’s not biologically male.”

“So she’s a lesbian.” she said bluntly. “And what does his mother think about her pretending to be a boy?”

The funny thing is that his mother thinks he’s a lesbian too. When I learned this I couldn’t help but be glad I wasn’t the only one who had this problem, at the same time, I really hated that I wasn’t the only one who had this problem.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Ding Dong, the L Word’s Dead

Posted on by JAC

I Hate the L Word – part II

Some of my friends recently had an L Word party to mark the final L Word episode, but it wasn’t a celebratory “Ding dong the witch is dead!” party as I would hope. It was a get together to watch the last episode and mourn the loss of the show.

I realize that the L Word creates visibility for the lesbian community, offers media representation of “homosexual” women, and has hot sex scenes. Knowing all that, it still isn’t a good enough reason for me to understand the support of it.

A lot of my friends groan or give me a silenced look when I get angry for their L Word interests. They act like I shouldn’t be upset about it, like I should let it go. It’s easy for them to overlook the shit the L Word does cause it’s not their identity on the line. If there was something (like a TV show) that was great for me but shitty for my friend, I couldn’t support it in good conscious no matter how much I enjoyed it.

And the L Word’s offensiveness doesn’t just apply to its fictional writing. It is made by shitty people. I heard Rose Troche speak (an L Word writer and director, including the pregnant Max episode) and she is possibly the most offensive person I have ever heard speak in a queer venue. In addition to her outing co-workers and making fun of eating disorders, in the Q&A she stated that she believed that she provided an “accurate representation” of trans-people. What ego-pumping drug is she smoking?

Similarly, I know so many people who identify themselves as trans-allies, but support the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) which makes no sense to me. There are so many little outlets of transphobia hidden everywhere, I understand when it can’t be totally avoided. I have been forced to HRC events because I had to be there to do activist work or for performing. But there is a difference between doing the minimum civil interaction in order to get the job done and just being lazy. I even know transpeople who support transphobic outlets because it is easier than standing against it. It’s easier to just let transphobia and trans-exclusion slide a little. What people are failing to realize is that it affects us all. Transphobia is homophobia. It is all based on societal gender norms.

I understand that just because someone likes the L Word or the HRC, it doesn’t mean they can’t or don’t support trans and genderqueer people. And I know that there is an element of waiting and patience in all activism. Still, I can’t shake the emotional reaction. Every time, I can’t help thinking “How can you do this to me? There is no difference between us. You just have more rights.”

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Transphobia’s on the Phone

Posted on by JAC

It was my first night out in months. About an hour in, I found myself in my third activist related conversation. Suddenly I received a text message from an unfamiliar number.

“I sincerely hope you aren’t thinking you can pass as a man with that pink hair. You look like a dumb fucking lesbian.”

It was like getting punched in the dark.

My first reaction was to brush it off. I didn’t even know who this person was, so why should I care what they think? They’re just some cowardly, transphobic jerk. I was sure I should ignore it, but my defensive nature got the better of me. I finally came up with an empowered reply:

“I don’t care who you are or what you think. You clearly don’t understand genderfucking.”

The response message said it was from someone who’s phone had been “messed with” after leaving it on a table. I didn’t respond because I didn’t know if I believed it. Either way, I wasn’t going to find out who it was. There would be no chance for me to defend my place on the genderqueer spectrum, or discuss the oppression of gender norms, or assert my political position of gender non-conformity. It was over.

The rest of the night, I was determined to continue having a good time… but I couldn’t help thinking about it. I still can’t help thinking about it. I still feel scared and shaken, like I’ve been though a fight. Curiosity quickly paired with paranoia. Who would send me this? How did they get my number? How did they know how to get under my skin? Who can’t I trust?

I’ve decided to get over it. I’ve always known it was a matter of time before something like this happened. Its not like I’ve never been hassled before; in the bathroom, at the bar, in school, at parties… You’d think it wouldn’t bother me anymore.

I’m sticking with the attitude that this isn’t a big deal. I’m gonna make it not bother me. In the grand scheme of things, an offensive text is nothing. Really, I was lucky. I was lucky to get the anonymity of a text instead of face to face intimidation. I was lucky it wasn’t a punch in the stomach or an assault in the bathroom. I was lucky to walk away with only hurt feelings and shaken nerves. I was lucky to walk away at all.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

I hate the L Word

Posted on by JAC

So I recently found out that the transguy on the L Word, Max, is pregnant. Are they kidding me with this shit?

I don’t know why I was at all surprised. Max isn’t so much a transguy as he is a compilation of every negative trans-masculine stereotype imaginable. He’s an insecure, hyper-masculine, misogynistic, homophobic asshole. And it just so happens that the character only turned into an asshole after he came out as trans. Also, it’s worth mentioning that the character projects the most unrealistic, negative physical transition I’ve ever seen of a trans-masculine person in the media. And since the world’s current vision of transguys is Thomas Beatie, why wouldn’t Max follow suit?

People argue that the show doesn’t promote transphobic stereotypes. They say that Max is commonly disliked because he has a bad personality. But every negative comment I’ve heard directed at this character is not about his personality. It has always been about him being trans and in the form of transphobic hate-speech.

I’m not saying TV always has to be realistic or representative. I won’t even lament about how if they wanted a transguy, they should of cast a real transguy. All I’m saying is that the L Word doesn’t make transguys lives any easier. I think it makes things progressively harder.

The L Word deliberately exploits trans-identity for entertainment and everyone just eats it up. If a show negatively portrays lesbian and gay people, people organize massive boycotts and campaigns. No one says anything about putting transgender people down. I mean, why would they? It’s not like we’re real people or anything.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Parallel Universe

Posted on by JAC

There is a parallel universe I live beside. It is so close that it surrounds me, and yet I am not inside it.

I was looking through my spanish book, finding the answer to what the teacher was talking about. I wasn’t paying attention and longing for the clock hands to tick. I heard the teacher say something to one of the girls in the class. I got a nudge from the girl behind me and as i looked up i saw the teacher looking at me. “You, the new girl…” she said and continued to speak to me in spanish.

I listened, shrugging off my humiliation, ignoring how hot my face was getting. I gripped my hands to hide their sudden shaking as the insecurity and hurt set in. I will never understand why it always upsets me so much to get called out. To publicly not pass.

I reminded myself: No one else knows I’m not a girl. No one else understands that it’s wrong. To them, I’m just another female, probably one of those lesbian types. To them there is no discrepancy, no embarassment. They can’t really see me, only the distorted shell of me.

I got hit with a second shot at the end of class. The teacher said “I need the new girl to come up and give me her information.” I hate walks of shame.

When the room was empty I made an experiment. I told her “I’m not a girl, I’m a boy.” She apologized and said she wasn’t sure, but that I “had the face of a girl,” so she guessed I was a girl. She said she thought it was more likely I would be offended if I was a girl who got called a boy than if I were a boy who was called a girl. I didn’t see her logic. I explained how my name was different on the roster. She asked me why I didn’t go by the name on the roster. I’m not sure if she understood that my girl name was not a male name. I just said I prefered Jac and would rather not hassel with more than one name. She understood and started talking about cuba and her daughter. Apparently she had two names too. I think it all went over her head.

I walked out onto campus, still strange from the familiar experience. I felt as if I truely were walking along a one way mirror. My world was on my side, the rest was on the other. I told myself that someday there would be more vision, less confusion. People would see through the mirror and I would no longer be distorted. But today is not someday. Today is today.