Category: Midwest GenderQueer

All posts from Midwest GenderQueer

What’s in a name?

Posted on by JAC

I sat back in the bar’s long, church-pew booth and listened to the members of the drag troupe talk. One turned from the conversation.
“I had another one of those trans moments today.” she said in a heavy voice. “I got called a faggot.”
She isn’t trans, but she passes for male better than I do. I knew how she was feeling… the feeling that you’re less than a person.

The first time I was called a faggot it was screamed from an SUV as it appeared and then disappeared into the streets of Cincinnati. At first I felt a sense of accomplishment for passing, but it was quickly replaced by a familiar yet fresh fear. My hypervigilance spiked, followed by other my all too familiar traits of PTSD. My body filled with an ‘unsafe’ feeling as the injustice coated fear seeped into me. I looked over my shoulder as I walked away. I kept looking for five more days…

What makes a faggot a faggot? My friend is a girl but looks like a boy. I’m a boy who looks like a girl. If faggot is intended to mean homosexual, if only I could tell shouters just how accurate they are. I’m a guy who looks like girl who looks like a guy, who was born a girl, who fucks girls and boys and boys who were girls, and girls who were boys, and people who were never one or the other or anything at all… Is it hypocritical of me to argue or get upset? In my own, closed circles I call myself a fag, a tranniboy, and queer – all controversial words considered to be hate speech. Is our pain caused by the words or the malicious intention. Which is the one we need to remove? Does language have the power, or do we?

Ageism Fucks Over Activism

Posted on by JAC

This week I went to lobby in Columbus, Ohio’s capital, for the LGBT Equal Housing and Employment Protections Act. Equality Ohio collected almost 500 people for the event, most of whom were age 35 and up. Going in, I expected a degree of trans identity ignorance from some fellow lobbyists. What I didn’t expect was what I got…

I was one of the only experienced lobbyists in our group, but before I even reached the capital building I had been called both a kid and a child. I received a seemingly well intentioned yet authoritative lecture from an older activist on my generation’s apathetic nature, which was followed directly by being asked what grade I was in. I was never spoken to directly by the group leader or informed on the day’s agenda, nor where the other two younger people in the group. I was ushered from office to office like a kid on a grade school field trip. I had no opportunity to represent my district or my community. I might as well have not even been there.

Response: First of all, I am not a child. I’m 25 years old and the director a non-profit that I founded (without the help of anyone over 35, thank you very much). Second, if I had been the team leader I would not dominate the group so that my voice was the only one heard. I would not have missed appointments with representatives for no good reason. I would not have ignored members of my team because they looked young. And I would not have let lobbyers hand representatives blank “Thank You” cards (Wtf?). Lastly, my generation’s “apathetic nature?” Yes, I’ll admit my generation needs work, but what about the generations before mine? Maybe youth wouldn’t be so apathetic if YOUR generation hadn’t f**ked everything up. Maybe youth would be more involved if you treated us like people, not prospects. I keep hearing how youth are the future, but no one lets us make the future happen.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Death Fetish

Posted on by JAC

How much does fear and sadness motivate? Does it motivate at all?

I mentor my old high-school’s Gay-Straight Alliance, and the last big project was Day of Silence. I listened as the students listed the hardships of being queer, what we aren’t allowed to do, how many of us have died… I didn’t feel inspired, I felt depressed. Is this what our youth have to look forward to?

“It’s good to educate about oppression.” I said to the students, “Maybe we can take it a step further and not only promote the voices of those who have been oppressed, but also the voices of those who have overcome. Show people what they are missing by not hearing us.”

The idea seemed to pump them up, but in the end it didn’t sell. I guess it’s more dramatic and “moving” to talk about dead people. And that is a big face of queer activism: death. Transgender Day of Remembrance (the only “trans day” there is) is about remembering dead people. Day of Silence is about loss of power and lack of recognition. Every queer storyline in mainstream media ends with us losing our loved ones or being raped and murdered. Organizations fund vigils and memorials but not drag shows and parties. There is no showing the joy of queer life, or offering information and knowledge, only the sadness and penalty is given.

The message being sent is: “Come out and join the movement! Your life is going to suck and then someone’s going to kill you.” Sounds like a great plan, and look how well its worked so far.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Pink Hair Trumps Human Rights?

Posted on by JAC

An Update on the University of Cincinnati: For over three years we’ve been jumping through administrative hoops trying to get a campus queer center with a staff person. This week we had a rally in hopes of getting some recognition. It was a good turn out, considering it was snowing, and we did get some recognition from the university community. Well, we got our picture in the paper anyway…

Photo by Jamie Royce.

And even though I look fantastically good in the photo, I still have found something to complain about. It’s not the fact that the world “staff” is written twice. Its not even how there was NO article to offer information or explanation for what we are doing.

Its all about the photo caption. The caption above the photo says “Ooh, that’s some pink hair!” Really? Of all the things to write, why comment on my hair of all things? Does it bring any information about the rally? Any legitimacy to the movement? No. It borderline pokes fun at us. Apparently there is nothing more important or interesting about the event than my hair. It should be flattering, instead its just shitty.

We are nothing to the UC community except fringe and furnishings. We are not even a section of “diversity” as has been stated by the University “Diversity” Council. We don’t need resources or attention or even recognition. Its not like we’re getting kicked out of our homes, losing friends, living in hostile dorms, dealing with uneducated professors, or being beaten up on campus. Sure, just leave the queer students to their own devices and make not-even-clever commentary on their appearance. The appearance of equality is all that matters here.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Apparently I’m a Lesbian

Posted on by JAC

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Ever since I came out as a guy my mom has been calling me a lesbian. To be fair, my mom has made a lot of head-way in supporting me, but there are a couple things that she keeps getting stuck on.

“Why you can’t just be a lesbian?” she says passionately, “There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, you know.”

“I know.” I say back to her, “And if I could be one I would, but I’m not one so I can’t.”

She feels there is nothing wrong with me being a lesbian, but there is something wrong with me being trans because trans is just too far from normal. I have too much going against me in society. I have to remind myself that if I wasn’t her kid she would be ok with it. Just today I listened as she told me a story from her college days where she supported the “women who were changing to be men” because she knew them from when she went out with her gay guy friend. She never thought that those people were lesbians, but somehow I am a lesbian.

I’ve gotten numb to it. Three years of hearing the same thing will do that. And she’s gotten a little better. She usually avoids making statements unless provoked by me talking about my life. I continue to try to explain the why the queer women I date don’t identify as lesbians, but since I can’t use my own identity as part of the explanation the point dissolves unsuccessfully.

When I started to date a guy her first question was exactly what I expected it to be. “Is he a real boy?”

“Yes, he’s a real boy.” I said.

She hesitated. “Ok, is he biologically a boy?” She smiled, clearly thinking she was clever. I wasn’t sure if I should be excited about her recognizing a fuller spectrum of gender and sex, or be annoyed cause she was mocking me.

“No, he’s not biologically male.”

“So she’s a lesbian.” she said bluntly. “And what does his mother think about her pretending to be a boy?”

The funny thing is that his mother thinks he’s a lesbian too. When I learned this I couldn’t help but be glad I wasn’t the only one who had this problem, at the same time, I really hated that I wasn’t the only one who had this problem.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Ding Dong, the L Word’s Dead

Posted on by JAC

I Hate the L Word – part II

Some of my friends recently had an L Word party to mark the final L Word episode, but it wasn’t a celebratory “Ding dong the witch is dead!” party as I would hope. It was a get together to watch the last episode and mourn the loss of the show.

I realize that the L Word creates visibility for the lesbian community, offers media representation of “homosexual” women, and has hot sex scenes. Knowing all that, it still isn’t a good enough reason for me to understand the support of it.

A lot of my friends groan or give me a silenced look when I get angry for their L Word interests. They act like I shouldn’t be upset about it, like I should let it go. It’s easy for them to overlook the shit the L Word does cause it’s not their identity on the line. If there was something (like a TV show) that was great for me but shitty for my friend, I couldn’t support it in good conscious no matter how much I enjoyed it.

And the L Word’s offensiveness doesn’t just apply to its fictional writing. It is made by shitty people. I heard Rose Troche speak (an L Word writer and director, including the pregnant Max episode) and she is possibly the most offensive person I have ever heard speak in a queer venue. In addition to her outing co-workers and making fun of eating disorders, in the Q&A she stated that she believed that she provided an “accurate representation” of trans-people. What ego-pumping drug is she smoking?

Similarly, I know so many people who identify themselves as trans-allies, but support the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) which makes no sense to me. There are so many little outlets of transphobia hidden everywhere, I understand when it can’t be totally avoided. I have been forced to HRC events because I had to be there to do activist work or for performing. But there is a difference between doing the minimum civil interaction in order to get the job done and just being lazy. I even know transpeople who support transphobic outlets because it is easier than standing against it. It’s easier to just let transphobia and trans-exclusion slide a little. What people are failing to realize is that it affects us all. Transphobia is homophobia. It is all based on societal gender norms.

I understand that just because someone likes the L Word or the HRC, it doesn’t mean they can’t or don’t support trans and genderqueer people. And I know that there is an element of waiting and patience in all activism. Still, I can’t shake the emotional reaction. Every time, I can’t help thinking “How can you do this to me? There is no difference between us. You just have more rights.”

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Vagina Dentata!!!!

Posted on by JAC

Last night I saw a spectacular movie full of artistry, allure, and as to be expected in any great film, toothed vaginas.

The movie Teeth is a movie about a girl, Dawn, with a toothed vagina – vagina dentata. Vagina dentata is a myth of women having toothed vaginas ready to devour men’s penises, fingers, souls, you know, whatever gets close to the crotch. In the movie, Dawn’s vagina chomps off anything that tries to penetrate her against her will. It reminded me of the rape-x condom, except Dawn’s vagina had a mind of its own.

Much to my amusement, Dawn and her friends are members of a religious abstinence-only organization and wear abstinence rings. (It was a very scary movie.) The movie did a good job at showing how creepy and in-effective the organization was. There is also scene in a sex ed class, where the book page for female anatomy has a big sticker on it because the school administration is too puritanistic to allow a vagina, vulva, and labia to be shown to students. Characters directly address how the penis is shown but the vagina is not, adding an unexpected feminist feeling to the film.

Because of her lack of sex education and forced sexual repression, Dawn doesn’t know anything about her body or sexuality. When her vagina starts to bite off her attackers’ penises, she’s stumped as to the reason why. She repeatedly gets into dangerous situations because she has no knowledge of consent or sexual safety. She doesn’t even realize when a gynecologist is assaulting her and not examining her. I was supposed to be laughing… or scared… or something, but I couldn’t help but be a little sad. Vagina dentata aside, this movie is closer to reality than people think.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org