Category: Midwest GenderQueer

All posts from Midwest GenderQueer

Gift-wrapped Activism

Posted on by JAC

A couple of my fellow sex education teamsters and I went to an activist conference this weekend. It was for getting activists together from around the state and doing a skills share. Sounds pretty cool, right?

Getting there, us four radicals couldn’t help feeling a bit out of place. There was no gender neutral bathroom, which was a real pain in the ass for me. There was un-inclusive language and out of date, un-PC vocabulary all over the place. AND the place was crawling with paid government officials and wannabes promoting themselves. WTF?

My pal and I did a Queer Inclusive Organizing workshop to try to queer it up a bit and two people showed up. And they were fucking queer organizers! There was a score of talk about the November election, which is apparently still interesting to some people. The “discussion” consisted of people patting themselves on the back because they are “sustainable,” “progressive,” and work “on the ground.” Who the hell talks like that? And I love how everyone has attached themselves to the word “progressive” now days. Its less controversial than saying liberal, coating it with pink pepto so it’s easy to swallow. We wouldn’t want to upset anyone now would we?

The plenary speaker talked about getting more with less, and giving more to those who have less, but it didn’t seem to translate to the audience. I spent a collective 25 minutes trying to answer this dude’s questions about inclusive organizing. He avoided every answer that didn’t sound like a quick solution. When referring to people of color and the trans/genderqueer population he asked “But, how do we get those people to support us?” He continued on to say, “You think we can just get one of each?”

I’m still amazed I didn’t have an aneurism.

Now, I realize I’m being a little harsh. I’m not against all establishmentary activism. I’m down with collaboration to reach a goal. I’m not down with tooling around like a sell-out showman, claiming to make a change in the world when I won’t even make change in myself.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Transphobia’s on the Phone

Posted on by JAC

It was my first night out in months. About an hour in, I found myself in my third activist related conversation. Suddenly I received a text message from an unfamiliar number.

“I sincerely hope you aren’t thinking you can pass as a man with that pink hair. You look like a dumb fucking lesbian.”

It was like getting punched in the dark.

My first reaction was to brush it off. I didn’t even know who this person was, so why should I care what they think? They’re just some cowardly, transphobic jerk. I was sure I should ignore it, but my defensive nature got the better of me. I finally came up with an empowered reply:

“I don’t care who you are or what you think. You clearly don’t understand genderfucking.”

The response message said it was from someone who’s phone had been “messed with” after leaving it on a table. I didn’t respond because I didn’t know if I believed it. Either way, I wasn’t going to find out who it was. There would be no chance for me to defend my place on the genderqueer spectrum, or discuss the oppression of gender norms, or assert my political position of gender non-conformity. It was over.

The rest of the night, I was determined to continue having a good time… but I couldn’t help thinking about it. I still can’t help thinking about it. I still feel scared and shaken, like I’ve been though a fight. Curiosity quickly paired with paranoia. Who would send me this? How did they get my number? How did they know how to get under my skin? Who can’t I trust?

I’ve decided to get over it. I’ve always known it was a matter of time before something like this happened. Its not like I’ve never been hassled before; in the bathroom, at the bar, in school, at parties… You’d think it wouldn’t bother me anymore.

I’m sticking with the attitude that this isn’t a big deal. I’m gonna make it not bother me. In the grand scheme of things, an offensive text is nothing. Really, I was lucky. I was lucky to get the anonymity of a text instead of face to face intimidation. I was lucky it wasn’t a punch in the stomach or an assault in the bathroom. I was lucky to walk away with only hurt feelings and shaken nerves. I was lucky to walk away at all.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

GIE Policy came through!

Posted on by JAC

It happened!

The University of Cincinnati has officially included Gender Identity and Expression in it’s Non-Discrimination Policy. Now anyone who’s transgender, genderqueer, gender-variant, or queer is now protected from discrimination and hate crimes!

I started working on this project two years ago. Two years of working and finally we are all safe on campus. I almost couldn’t believe my eyes when I read the first printed draft. There in the middle of the paragraph read: Gender Identity and Expression.

I think I’m still in shock. After two years of working, I can’t believe this has actually happened. With this new policy we will be able to enact a residence hall policy, a gender neutral bathroom policy, locker rooms, IDs and registration and so much more. The preferred name format for university registration is going to come through in the next year and the residence hall work is already underway.

I’m so glad that I was able to be here when this happened and see the project to it’s completion.


Myself with fellow activists Jane and Kim after we got the news.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

I hate the L Word

Posted on by JAC

So I recently found out that the transguy on the L Word, Max, is pregnant. Are they kidding me with this shit?

I don’t know why I was at all surprised. Max isn’t so much a transguy as he is a compilation of every negative trans-masculine stereotype imaginable. He’s an insecure, hyper-masculine, misogynistic, homophobic asshole. And it just so happens that the character only turned into an asshole after he came out as trans. Also, it’s worth mentioning that the character projects the most unrealistic, negative physical transition I’ve ever seen of a trans-masculine person in the media. And since the world’s current vision of transguys is Thomas Beatie, why wouldn’t Max follow suit?

People argue that the show doesn’t promote transphobic stereotypes. They say that Max is commonly disliked because he has a bad personality. But every negative comment I’ve heard directed at this character is not about his personality. It has always been about him being trans and in the form of transphobic hate-speech.

I’m not saying TV always has to be realistic or representative. I won’t even lament about how if they wanted a transguy, they should of cast a real transguy. All I’m saying is that the L Word doesn’t make transguys lives any easier. I think it makes things progressively harder.

The L Word deliberately exploits trans-identity for entertainment and everyone just eats it up. If a show negatively portrays lesbian and gay people, people organize massive boycotts and campaigns. No one says anything about putting transgender people down. I mean, why would they? It’s not like we’re real people or anything.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org

Teaching Intensity!

Posted on by JAC

man, just taught a class for an hour and 1/2. it was a good class but I feel like I just came through a war. Teaching really takes it out of ya. I re-amped my queer oppression lecture and it came out much better than the last time I did it. It covers a wider scope of things and is more of a “think about what is ‘normal’ and why” kind of thing than just a “here’s some gay stuff” thing.

I had them laughing a lot more than my usual classes… They always laugh, I try to be funny. They laughed more this time probably because I kept talking about sex. I was in a good mood I guess. They seemed to have a good time, though I know that it was an intense amount of information. I kept their attention which is really good, especially cause there was about 200 of them.

I keep trying to get better at lecturing, and I think I am. I sometimes am a little over-the-top, I think. But at the same time, it keeps the kids’ attention. They laugh and respond to me. I usually feel a sense of shock at the end though, maybe cause I put a ton of energy into it and afterwards I’m like “whoa, what just happened!”

Intense. Intense. It’s over. All better now. Good lecture. Good time.

GenderBloc’s gonna have an intense meeting tonight too, but not as much an active learning intense as a ton of work and stress intense. It’ll be ok. Today is just an intense day.

I need a break.

Parallel Universe

Posted on by JAC

There is a parallel universe I live beside. It is so close that it surrounds me, and yet I am not inside it.

I was looking through my spanish book, finding the answer to what the teacher was talking about. I wasn’t paying attention and longing for the clock hands to tick. I heard the teacher say something to one of the girls in the class. I got a nudge from the girl behind me and as i looked up i saw the teacher looking at me. “You, the new girl…” she said and continued to speak to me in spanish.

I listened, shrugging off my humiliation, ignoring how hot my face was getting. I gripped my hands to hide their sudden shaking as the insecurity and hurt set in. I will never understand why it always upsets me so much to get called out. To publicly not pass.

I reminded myself: No one else knows I’m not a girl. No one else understands that it’s wrong. To them, I’m just another female, probably one of those lesbian types. To them there is no discrepancy, no embarassment. They can’t really see me, only the distorted shell of me.

I got hit with a second shot at the end of class. The teacher said “I need the new girl to come up and give me her information.” I hate walks of shame.

When the room was empty I made an experiment. I told her “I’m not a girl, I’m a boy.” She apologized and said she wasn’t sure, but that I “had the face of a girl,” so she guessed I was a girl. She said she thought it was more likely I would be offended if I was a girl who got called a boy than if I were a boy who was called a girl. I didn’t see her logic. I explained how my name was different on the roster. She asked me why I didn’t go by the name on the roster. I’m not sure if she understood that my girl name was not a male name. I just said I prefered Jac and would rather not hassel with more than one name. She understood and started talking about cuba and her daughter. Apparently she had two names too. I think it all went over her head.

I walked out onto campus, still strange from the familiar experience. I felt as if I truely were walking along a one way mirror. My world was on my side, the rest was on the other. I told myself that someday there would be more vision, less confusion. People would see through the mirror and I would no longer be distorted. But today is not someday. Today is today.

Still Fits

Posted on by JAC

I spent the day putting pictures into photo albums. It was hours upon hours of old faces, including mine. By the time I was finished, I had almost forgotten my name. I had forgotten what I looked like.

I lifted myself from the floor in a practical daze. I started thinking what I should wear. I opened my dresser and sifted through my shirts, looking for something that would give me comfort. I dug down to the bottom and saw a shirt I hadn’t worn since long before I came out. It was my midnight-rabbit t-shirt. I’ve called it that since I got it, when I was about 9 or 10 years old. It was black with two rabbits on it and a big yellow moon. I put it on and looked in the mirror. A small smile of relief crawled across my face when I saw it still fit. I was so glad it still fit.