Author: JAC

Radical genderqueer-femme trans*-activist and performance artist, born and raised in the Midwest.

JAC McFaggin’ GenderFuck

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My send off show with the Black Mondays.The show was themed as a GenderFuck in my honor, because the troupe members are amazing and I love them. The show was packed and a ton of fun.

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Me and Big Gay MotherFuckin’ Al

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My parents and sister

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Backstage with Special K and La Femme Demanda before genderfucked “Rama Llama.” I made the skirts :)

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My first performance in full femme drag. I got this dress at a thrift in highschool. My best friend had a matching one and we used to wear them to school.

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Impromptu “Thriller” performance after the show. I think I make a better MJ in the skirt.

Once a Black Monday, always a Black Monday. I am sure I will have more performances with folks from the troupe. It’ll be hard not being in Cincinnati, not going to practices and seeing my 2nd family every week after 3 years of being in together… I’ll make it through, we all will. The troupe itself needs a break, all of us need a break I think. But not matter what we do, were we go, we’ll always be connected.

How Inclusive is Queer Inclusive Healthcare?

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This year Columbus pride not only had HIV testing, but also Syphilis and Hep A & B vaccines. Awesomeness, for sure. I checked out the tent, curious to see if I needed any vaccines. The volunteer was very helpful at first…

“Since you’re a woman…” he began, and went on to list high risk activities and why I would or wouldn’t need a vaccine. I ignored the statement, reasoning to myself that I am female bodied so it makes sense to be grouped with women… right?

I listened in to a friend getting the vaccine spiel. He was female bodied also but was read as male. As a result, he got different information and different medical treatment. I started to think… Am I missing out on information I need? I’m female bodied but I live as a man. My sex practices are both like a female bodied person and a male bodied person. Which group am I supposed to be in?

There was no information about trans populations offered, and no options for trans identity to be selected. As the volunteer continued to speak I mentioned injecting testosterone, hoping he would take the hint. He seemed to get it, and then totally didn’t seem to get it. By the end of it, I felt too awkward to disclose. I let it go and was left wondering whether I had all the protection I needed –just in case. Of all places with queer health care, pride should be prepared for trans folks to be included.

Ohio “Gay” Pride

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Pride season has come, and gone. All queers going busily berserk for 30 days altogether: Always interesting.

I gave a speech for Cincinnati’s pride, skillfully skipping the middle chunk of it by losing my place on my homemade flashcards. Awesome. I am not real big on pride as an event, I’m actually bitter about it. I wish people would come out more than just one weekend a year. A handful of us are in the streets working our asses off to create space, always overworked and alone. Then, one day a year, the queers and allies come out to do what? Party and pretend nothing needs to change.  I said as much in my speech, but in a much nicer way. I tried to highlight Pride’s beginning as a activist movement. The twelve sober people listening seemed really into it.

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Blurrily speaking at Cincinnati Pride rally

Cincy pride always looks so tiny in comparison to Columbus. Our dinky little get together isn’t anything to wow about, but people try. Columbus pride is massive and intense with thousands of people. Makes me wonder why, if there are so many of us, we have so little going for us .

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Performing at Wall Street for Columbus Pride Royal Renegades show

Coming Out for Your Entertainment?

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The newest trans-media craze has hit. A semi-celebrity, who I am not naming, has come out as trans and announced his transition. Clearly the announcement was made to circumvent a mass-media fest. In his announcement he also specifically requested privacy. Of course he’s not getting it. Who’s surprised?

I realize the media sensationalizes the most minimal things for entertainment. That said, I have found particular attention is paid to queer and trans concerns. The media either crucifies the person or tries to highlight how amazingly normal the person is (in effort to be supportive to the poor, gay soul). Who would ever think a queer person could be well-adjusted? Holy heterosexist, Batman!

In the case of this person coming out, some news articles have been surprisingly well written and mostly focused on actual trans issues. However, the majority are full of the expected trans-ignorant language like using the wrong pronoun and terms like “gender switching/swapping,” “Girl Boy,” “she/ he,” “it,” and my favorite-“wow.”

A person’s coming out story should not be a opportunity for public commentary and fascination, as if the person were growing a new limb. Being trans doesn’t make you magic. Believe me I wish it did, but it doesn’t. Yes, it is hard to come out and it is hard to transition. Yes, we are a greatly ignored population and there is little education about us. That doesn’t give anyone the right to turn us into a spectacle.

There is public habit of making representatives out of people just because they are different. There is no consent in this iconization, only the assumption that if you are different you must want to be talked about. So often marginalized populations are labeled, boxed, and then expected to present their experience for the sake of “educating” others. What people want isn’t education, its entertainment. When someone finds out I’m trans they don’t want to discuss gender theory with me. They want to know what my body looks like, how I have sex, and if I’ve had “the surgery.” They want to hear about how depressing my life is so they can feel like a supporter when they tell me how brave I am.

The reality is that I’m no braver than anyone else. I think that we all are brave for surviving in this fucked up world, queer or not. People need to look past the labels and see the person behind it. Sensationalizing those who are different is a form of societal oppression.

x-posted amplifyyourvoice.org, queercincinnati.com

Healthy is for the Wealthy

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“…What do the young know or care about health insurance?”

According to conservative columnist Michael Barone young people have “the fewest medical problems of the whole population.” Clearly this guy hasn’t talked to me. I’m one of the millions of young people carrying the permanent label “sick-for-life.”

I’ve been in and out of doctors offices and hospitals for as long as I can remember. As a kid I was lucky enough to have health care through my parents plan, but I still understood my treatment had a cost. My parents voices still echo in my head: “Without insurance we’ll go bankrupt. We’re not going to just let you die.”

As I got older, the expectation of losing insurance became a serious pre-occupation with getting insurance. I calculated the costs of the bare-minimum medication I need to get by… It’s over $3,000 a month.

No one should have to be rich to be healthy.

For the rest of my life I have to be sure to have a job with benefits, not just any benefits, good benefits. Some plans don’t cover prescriptions, others don’t cover certain types of doctors or testing. “PRE-EXISTING CONDITION” is a haunting phrase. If you got it when you get there, then its not covered. My condition is pre-existing…

“NOT MEDICALLY NECESSARY” is another scary slogan, especially for us genderqueers. If a company doesn’t think your condition is important enough, you don’t get covered. Almost every U.S. insurance company considers any gender-related transitional care not medically necessary. We are diagnosed mentally ill and then are incapable of getting “treatment.” Precious few are close enough to a non-profit informed-consent based clinic, the rest pay hundreds to thousands of dollars out of pocket. I drive to Chicago: five hours there, five hours back.

The power that the medical institution has over us is sickening. I am dependent on other people’s decisions in order to live a close-to-healthy life. Doctors decide if I get treatment, insurance companies decide if I deserve it. Last time I checked this was MY life and MY body. I think I deserve more control than run-around phone calls and piles of paper appeals. Who is sitting on these faceless boards that decide my fate? I doubt if it is anyone who is really on my side because my side costs money. If health care becomes “universal” will the government be on my side? From where I’m standing the record doesn’t look good, but at least it would not be a wealth based system so I would have a better chance.

With all the so-called great minds in the world I can’t believe that no one can think up an accessible health care system that is high-quality, cost effective, and promotes patient autonomy. Anyone who argues against universal health care must have never had face the fear of living in uncontrollable pain or realize the chance of losing their physical ability to function. Someone who is healthy or someone who is wealthy can not possibly fully conceive what it feels like, which makes it an easy concept to ignore. We need comprehensive, universal health care now. I’m sick of waiting for health care and I’m tired of being afraid to lose it.

x-posted amplifyyourvoice.org
x-posted queercincinnati.com

Gender-Variant Shot – We’re All Clueless

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Last week, two female presenting people, possibly transwomen or crossdressers, where attacked and robbed in Cincinnati. One was shot when the thief tried to take her purse. How did no one hear about this? (Myself included and I’m on the look out). Needless to say, it wasn’t headline news. But then again, maybe its better it wasn’t because the media did such a terrible job of covering the story. Wrong pronouns everywhere. “…Attacker shot one of the victims, who was dressed as a woman, while trying to steal HIS purse.”

If it is clear someone is presenting in one gender, why are people determined to get the pronoun wrong? People are determined to stick to their brain’s sex binary. To add insult to injury, the civic response to this is thing short of a sick-minded comedy hour.

“…if the shooter gets caught, he’ll probably only be charged with a “missed da weiner.””
“…don’t they know it’s a man under that skirt! Probably a big one too!”
“You don’t think that Shanequa and Shantay were out trying to make some extra money.” –Transphobic, racist and classist. Charming.
“What a drag!” – Ok this one is shitty, I know, but I have to appreciate the accurate queer-vocabulary.

There was another attack that same week in a Cincinnati suburb where a gay man was beaten on account of his sexual orientation. In response to this a huge protest has been organized by big name queer organizations. I’m not trying to hate on anyone, or show a lack of support for the survivor or those working to fight hate. All I’m saying is where’s the rally to protect the genderqueers? I realize people can’t rally around something they don’t know happened. Maybe we just need to open our scope a little wider, be on the look out a little more. Mainstream media isn’t going to do it for us. Its up to us to make sure everyone is protected and supported.

cross-posted at amplifyyourvoice.org

Penis Enlargement Emails Say A Mouthful

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You ever go to clean out your spam folder and find an email you just can’t not open?

“Literally become a monster snake in my pants.” How do you not open that email? If I see an email saying “Make your zipper knight the best in town.” I’m gonna want to open it so it can tell me it has the perfect “improvement for my night intruder.”

The entertainment possibilities are endless when it comes to analyzing gendered language, especially when it is sexualized. The penis is often described as a “monster,” an “intruder,” or an “obstructionist” -highly aggressive terminology to remind men how virile and tough they are. “GRRRR I personify my genitalia! I AM SEXY! ROAR!” Then these dominant terms are paired with words like “knight” and “hero” that speak to the psychological triggers for a stereotypical boy-hood. The most fucked up part of this is that people actually subscribe to this way of thinking, truly believing that this system will make them “feel with women like Michael Jordan with ball and hoop.”

One thing is for sure, if you’re going to write bad porn slogans you need to commit to doing the work. Don’t make a computer do it. Computers don’t know what’s sexy. Computer sexuality is weird, and I’m about as open-minded about sex as they come. (ha ha! pun!) Computers can try to write like people, but in the end they revert back to what a computer would think is sexy. You can see the battle of human vs. computer sex appeal in this example: (I preserved the format. Maybe its like a computer pin-up or something.)

Subject:“For carnal victories! Effervescence profluent intertwist enchantment.” (It’s like a teenage girl mixed with an alka seltzer commercial. Maybe the computer read too much of BOP magazine.)

Text: “To bang her without a rest, you just need a little support. – impassiblenesss pneumatoscopic. Plunge into the ocean of love with our new male power pro-longer. Our pills can make you a superman of bed-action fast and easy.

cheerly pondorosity de-obstruct affector metaplasm graveled cuneiform

survivance

agonism

baeotic

clutches

metaplasm vertebration vomitory grum wharfage”

That is what a computer thinks is sexy, just in case you ever need to know.

What’s in a name?

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I sat back in the bar’s long, church-pew booth and listened to the members of the drag troupe talk. One turned from the conversation.
“I had another one of those trans moments today.” she said in a heavy voice. “I got called a faggot.”
She isn’t trans, but she passes for male better than I do. I knew how she was feeling… the feeling that you’re less than a person.

The first time I was called a faggot it was screamed from an SUV as it appeared and then disappeared into the streets of Cincinnati. At first I felt a sense of accomplishment for passing, but it was quickly replaced by a familiar yet fresh fear. My hypervigilance spiked, followed by other my all too familiar traits of PTSD. My body filled with an ‘unsafe’ feeling as the injustice coated fear seeped into me. I looked over my shoulder as I walked away. I kept looking for five more days…

What makes a faggot a faggot? My friend is a girl but looks like a boy. I’m a boy who looks like a girl. If faggot is intended to mean homosexual, if only I could tell shouters just how accurate they are. I’m a guy who looks like girl who looks like a guy, who was born a girl, who fucks girls and boys and boys who were girls, and girls who were boys, and people who were never one or the other or anything at all… Is it hypocritical of me to argue or get upset? In my own, closed circles I call myself a fag, a tranniboy, and queer – all controversial words considered to be hate speech. Is our pain caused by the words or the malicious intention. Which is the one we need to remove? Does language have the power, or do we?

Ageism Fucks Over Activism

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This week I went to lobby in Columbus, Ohio’s capital, for the LGBT Equal Housing and Employment Protections Act. Equality Ohio collected almost 500 people for the event, most of whom were age 35 and up. Going in, I expected a degree of trans identity ignorance from some fellow lobbyists. What I didn’t expect was what I got…

I was one of the only experienced lobbyists in our group, but before I even reached the capital building I had been called both a kid and a child. I received a seemingly well intentioned yet authoritative lecture from an older activist on my generation’s apathetic nature, which was followed directly by being asked what grade I was in. I was never spoken to directly by the group leader or informed on the day’s agenda, nor where the other two younger people in the group. I was ushered from office to office like a kid on a grade school field trip. I had no opportunity to represent my district or my community. I might as well have not even been there.

Response: First of all, I am not a child. I’m 25 years old and the director a non-profit that I founded (without the help of anyone over 35, thank you very much). Second, if I had been the team leader I would not dominate the group so that my voice was the only one heard. I would not have missed appointments with representatives for no good reason. I would not have ignored members of my team because they looked young. And I would not have let lobbyers hand representatives blank “Thank You” cards (Wtf?). Lastly, my generation’s “apathetic nature?” Yes, I’ll admit my generation needs work, but what about the generations before mine? Maybe youth wouldn’t be so apathetic if YOUR generation hadn’t f**ked everything up. Maybe youth would be more involved if you treated us like people, not prospects. I keep hearing how youth are the future, but no one lets us make the future happen.

cross-posted on AmplifyYourVoice.org